The Stars and Moments that Guide Us…

black and white meDon’t fret I am not going to preach to anyone. No, this is more of an observation than anything else. Over the course of my life I have delved in an out of following my star-sign. They have always intrigued me, how is it that someone can know what an entire group of people are going to do based solely on their date of birth? It is impossible, yet some have been eerily close to the bone. My guess would be a numbers game; they are usually printed daily, I couldn’t begin to count how many people are in each star-sign eventually they would have to get it right… Right? Although it still freaks me out when they do!


The point I am making is recently I have found myself in a wonderful situation; I have nothing health wise left to worry about, I don’t have to fight anymore for treatment and have been getting help for a physical disability. But here is what has thrown me; as incredible as this feeling is, after years of fighting one way or another to get treatment or just get up in the morning having life run do smoothly so suddenly has left me lost. Where do I put all this energy into? And for the first time in years I found myself looking at my star-signs.


Please do not get me wrong I am doing anything but complain! This is right up there with getting married, it is just after so long of pushing for this and never really believing it would happen I never thought to prepare myself for what to do when it did.


The moments that lead me to this point stick out so clearly in my mind, I can trace it back years. I spent most of yesterday laughing hysterically, uncertain if I could believe it had happened then I realised that one thing after another had lined up and helped me to progress. If I hadn’t of found a certain bit of information, if I hadn’t of gone to a certain doctor, if I hadn’t of met my husband, or walked into Coffee Rio.


Now, I should explain two things… I am an atheist; however I have such strong respect for those who have the capability to believe in something bigger than them. I lost that a long time ago. I do however have a theory on how I would like to live. I try to respect others (no matter their colour, belief or age), I do try to understand other people’s points of view, even when I don’t agree with them, and I do everything to the best of my ability. This way I regret nothing. I do fail at this sometimes but that’s why I have learned how important these things are to me.


I don’t expect everyone to follow in my path, or read this and say ‘That is how I should be’. Everyone has to find their own way to their own way of life.


The second thing I should say and this is probably the reason I am on such a high today is that yesterday afternoon after over three years of pushing for it I finally got the go ahead for an unorthodox treatment for the condition I have. So I am feeling a little reflective today. Alongside this after two surgeries and a hand full of physiotherapists I have found a specialist to treat the physical symptoms of another condition, my book release is due out soon and I have been happily married for two and a half months…. I have met some incredible new friends and am finally in a totally good space.


I hoped in sharing this I could spread a little hope and joy today.


Finding The Funny In A Thunder Storm

Life can be a bit of ride at times, finding new and interesting ways to throw you completely off balance. I have been ‘lucky’ enough to encounter this phenomenon more times than I have had hot dinners. I was born with into a loving family with a wonderfully supportive mum, but even from this humble beginning there was a price for this. At seven months old I was diagnosed with ‘Epilepsy in a Non-True-Form’ which basically means I can have any kind of seizure at anytime. Fun right?

I have spent my entire life baffling doctors; I have been classed as untreatable and to add to all this I have ‘accumulated’ several other ‘disabilities’ over the years from ‘Hemiplegia’ (stroke damage leaving me partially paralyzed down my left side), ‘Short Term Memory Recall Deficiency’ (You wouldn’t believe how long it took to memorize that) to ‘Clinical Depression’ and ‘Polycystic Ovaries’; all of which feed off each other and make each other worse. An example of this is; The Polycystic Ovaries causes a hormonal imbalance triggering seizures, which spirals me into a fit of depression and unable to use my left arm for a term as well as playing with my short term memory. (It’s a load of laughs at our house sometimes).

My body is a thunder storm of problems; I often joke that if I was a horse I would have been shot by now. But oddly enough, I wouldn’t change a single moment of my life so far. Why I hear no-one ask? Simple, all this has made me stronger, wiser and bar any doctor within a hundred mile radius, more patient with people.

So why am I telling you all this? It’s simple really; I laugh at myself constantly. I walk like a pregnant duck, have the remarkable ability to repeat myself three maybe four times in the same breath, in fits of depression I can invent brand new and peculiar kind of sandwich fillings (too the point where I get asked if I’m pregnant), of course thanks to the Polycystic Ovaries I am hardly skinny which I am fine with and I carry most of my weight on my stomach…. So I have been known to play on this and see how many people I can get guessing (A good way of doing this is to walk with one hand on the small of the small of your back and another resting on the top of your belly as you walk along.) Is that mean? People used to stare anyway I just give them something to look at.

The irony being I can’t have kids. But the fun part is thanks to a treatment I am currently doing I can say “I’m menopausal” gets me out of all sorts of trouble and the looks on peoples faces are just priceless considering I am twenty-four.

I am not saying life is easy; the exact opposite in fact. Life is hard, and everyone is going make mistakes and have troubles that are going to be out of their control. I found writing through all these issues, it was (to be cheesy) my silver lining. I am telling you all this so next time you feel overwhelmed or out of control; stop and think ‘This isn’t in my control, so why worry?’ think of the positive that could come out of it.  Think tomorrow it could all change, but if there is something you can do, then do it don’t put it off because your scared of an outcome. Life drives you forward; don’t fight it, don’t go backwards. Find the funny in it, everyone looks back and remembers something funny about a bad situation; why cant you find it now?